Emotional Strains

Fertility is normally taken for granted. Couples imagine that getting pregnant is easy and often put a lot of effort into trying to avoid that very eventuality. Until one day, they feel they're ready and decide it's time to start a family. They do away with contraception and eagerly await the signs that will tell them that "it's happened"!!

And they try, and they try, and still, nothing happens!

And that's when the feelings of confusion start. They wonder if they’re doing something wrong, or worse still start fearing that there may be something wrong with one of them. They put more effort into making the baby at the cost of their natural joy in each other and in their lovemaking, stressing themselves even further.

Until one day, they finally decide it's time to visit a health professional. A physical examination and then maybe a few preliminary tests are called for, to ascertain the cause of non-conception. The tests can cause some couples a fair bit of distress and if it's confirmed that one or both of them are infertile and with further testing they discover they may need to go in for assisted fertility treatment, their level of emotional turmoil becomes even greater.

A confirmed diagnosis of infertility can trigger feelings of bereavement, of loss and anger, frustration, disappointment, deep sadness and at some level, even guilt. An understanding that family, friends or society in general expects a baby can deepen the stress and feelings of inadequacy. Jealousy over others' successful pregnancies causes some people to withdraw from interacting with those who have children or are pregnant, causing them to become isolated. All these negative emotions can trigger a depression and a sense of losing control over their lives.

The couple’s relationship may get impacted, their communications get affected, they lose their spontaneity and may even lose sexual interest in each other. At a time when they need to be closest, they might find themselves drifting away from each other.

It's a vicious circle. A person discovers he/she or both of them are infertile. This information stresses them out, further impacting their fertility. They find themselves on an emotional roller coaster that very often leaves them feeling overwhelmed and incapable of coping with normal routine activities.

If these feelings continue for a long time without abating and if it impacts day-to-day functioning, maybe it’s time to seek help in learning to cope with these emotions.

Signs that it’s time to seek the help of a mental health professional include:

• Strained relationships over a long period
• Problems in completing tasks
• Problem concentrating on anything else but infertility
• Increased anxiety levels
• Altered sleeping patters
• Changes in appetite and weight
• Increased intake of alcohol or drugs
• Thinking about death
• Continued pessimism and feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Constant state of anger

Many patients find it helpful to be counseled while they are undergoing infertility treatment and today, counseling of infertile couples is considered part of a holistic approach to dealing with infertility. Becoming a part of a support group as well as communicating with other infertile couples has also been found to be very useful.